Author, Alexander Bela Kirk
I was struck by severe depression and psychosis at the age of fourteen. Lost in my own terrifying thoughts and too scared to ask for help from my family or friends I attempted suicide. When by some miracle that didn’t work, I hung on with a small hope that God didn’t want me to die. Since then, I have been hospitalized twice and spent three years at Gould Farm, a residential treatment facility in the heart of the Berkshires. Bit by bit, one small victory at a time and with innumerable setbacks, I’ve built a new and better life for myself. Currently, I am an accomplished research technician with 20 years of experience, having co-authored more than 15 research papers, including one first author paper and a second in the works. I am dedicated to fighting poverty and disease and have been a loving husband going on 30 years.
I have been fortunate to have the support of loving parents, good doctors, and therapists as well as the amazing community at Gould Farm. The mutually supportive relationship my wife, Emily and I built together has been essential for my health and happiness. I recently self-published my memoir, Don’t Give Up! A memoir of mental illness and the struggle for a happy, successful life. Don’t give up is first a story of suffering, fear, and denial. Then, faced with the stark reality that I would have a lifelong illness, I chose acceptance rather than flight and began the long but ultimately triumphant battle for recovery.
In writing my memoir I kept in mind that my readers might be people facing similar struggles and parents desperate for hope. I therefore strove for honesty, neither exaggerating nor diminishing my struggles and included aspects of my life that could be instructive or useful. I shared what my parents did right and what was not helpful. I described essential skills and medications that together lifted me out of depression and continue to do so. As important as these were, what makes my story uniquely mine are the risks I took that led to jobs I loved, an enduring marriage, this book and more.
At times, my desire to succeed was a double-edged sword, causing more suffering than was necessary. You will see me becoming more patient with myself, striving for balance rather than rushing to get it all done. While the book ends, my life goes on. I still have more to accomplish and more to learn.
If you are interested in reading my memoir, please scroll down to the bottom of the page, where you will find a link to the book on Amazon. You can read the reviews and have a look inside first, if you like. Thank you so much!
“Wow! What a wonderfully honest and thoughtful description of Alexander’s life and journey. It is both an autobiography and a guide for a life in recovery. This heartfelt work will no doubt touch many lives and offer hope. His work reminds us all, that with people in our corner, tools at the ready and hope to fuel us on, mental illness does not define a life, we do!”
~Lisanne Finston is the Executive Director of Gould Farm,
a healing community
“In Alexander’s intimate and inspiring memoir, you hear about the importance of courage and commitment in the battle against mental illness. You also learn about the value of achieving relationships and a sense of belonging, the benefits of creating meaning and purpose in life and the critical need to build resilience through the astute use cognitive behavior therapy, psychiatry and spirituality. Alexander bares his soul and tells you about his despair as well… but in the end he does not give up. He gets up, keeps going and learns how to live a wonderful life despite his mental illness. I would encourage anyone who is coping with mental illness to read and hear Alexander’s story; it will help them not to give up!”
~Virgil Stucker is the President of Virgil Stucker and Associates LLC
and founding Executive Director of three therapeutic communities: Rose Hill Center, MI; Gateway Homes, VA and CooperRiis Healing Community, NC.
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